True self interest

When I care
a great deal for myself
and very little for others
it is only
temporarily satisfying
because
all too quickly
I end up
feeling lonely
and disconnected
from the wellbeing
of the whole

Equally though
when I care
a great deal for others
and too little for myself
it is only
temporarily satisfying
because
I end up
feeling disempowered
and depleted
and less than whole

True self-interest
lies not
in one or the other
but rather both
caring for oneself
and caring for others
but not because
this sounds like
a good idea

Looking from
the sophisticated head
this caring for both
is balanced, logical
and attractive

Looking from
the sophisticated head
is not enough
it is only
temporarily satisfying

It is possible to
venture outside
our comfort zone
venture outside
our automatic response

Look from the heart
Look from the experience
in the heart

True self-interest
is for the benefit of
true self

True self
is the whole
True self is not
just the union
of two separate beings
- myself and other

True self
is myself
as the other

How can suffering exist
in a world
of true self-interest?

Infinite Grace

No matter what happens
I am held
What relief it is
that I need not find the next step
What love it is
that the next step finds me
What joy it is
that what needs to be done is done
What comfort it is
that tears are welcome and so are smiles
What peace it is
to let go into God and find God everywhere

Gratitude pours out
and envelops me
in its grace
Blessed I am
Blessed we are
and blessed is life

Words

Once a gift is given
to you
what you do with it
is your business

If you learn
from my words
I am
your teacher

If you are served
by my words
I am
your servant

If you are reminded
by my words
I am
your reminder

If you are confused
by my words
I am
your puzzle

If you anger
at my words
I am
your nuisance

If you hate
my words
I am
your enemy

If you are repelled
by my words
I am
your darkness

Whatever your response
I am
honored to be
your idea of me

And what I am
truly
cannot be touched
by you
or me
or anything

What I am
is
what You are
when
everything
drops

What I am
is
what You are
when
nothing
drops

What I am
is You
except
in thinking mind

Meet me, dear one
where the words end
and something else
begins

Meet me, dear one
where nothing separates us
and I am
You

Fearless Freedom Functioning

There is a world of difference
between resting
in the emptiness
as a stance
or strategy
towards an endgame
and resting
in the emptiness
in reality

Be aware
of that within you
which would subvert
even God
to suit a human agenda

Be aware
of that within you
which would use
even emptiness
to fill a gnawing
at the soul

Even the highest
spiritual ideal
is corruptible
in the mind
that prides itself
on its own
power and control

Resting in emptiness
there is no need
to fix anything
not because
nothing is broken
but because
broken is only
a perspective
in the mind

Resting in emptiness
there is no need
to do anything
not because
there is nothing
to be done
but because
there is no one
to do it

From this emptiness
that is nothing
and needs nothing
comes all doing
and from resting
in this emptiness
comes the doing
beyond mind's understanding
pure joy in doing
love manifest
fearless freedom functioning

Where stories surrender sweetly

We are bigger
than the stories
of ourselves
so dear to our hearts

For years
and even lifetimes
we are bound
by and in our stories

For years
and even lifetimes
we dance together
in each other's stories

Holding each other back
in a common pact
we stick to our stories
and limit our lives

Only one of us
needs let go
of his story
and we are all freed

Freed of the future
and freed of the past
Freed of the pretense
Freed at last

Only one of us
needs let go
of her story
and we are all freed

Freed to hold
stories still
but in our laps
like dear children
without believing
their tales
of monsters under our beds
or Santa in his sled

Grieve not
for lost stories
rather rejoice
in the space
they leave behind
space for existing stories
to breathe easier
and live lighter
till they too
surrender sweetly
to the pulsating emptiness
waiting to turn a new page

Grieve not
for lost bonds
for the only bonds
that can be lost
are in passing stories
rather rejoice
in the truth
where nothing is lost
where love resides
and the one cannot be torn from itself

Authentic self-discovery

Most good teachings
spoken of by
some good teachers
come from
what is truly experienced
by the teacher,
come from
that which has been gone through
and thus gone beyond

When we receive
these teachings
we tend to
value the going beyond
way more than
the going through

So we take the teachings
and try to use them
to go beyond
without going through

There is nothing wrong
with this
except that it is
inherently dissatisfying
in one's own being
to borrow another's realization
for we can never quite trust
what is borrowed
to stay

And it is dissatisfaction
and discontent
that keep us
from realizing
what we already are
in the first place!

So we can use
the teachings differently perhaps
more as a hypothesis
to check out in
our own experience

In this way
is authentic self-discovery
made possible

The exquisiteness of experience

When we experience something
is it necessary to own it?
is it necessary to attach to it?
to treat it as mine?

It's funny but we do this
with good and bad
experiences
with things
and with people
Mine mine mine
we say

Claiming ownership
comes naturally
to our human selves

There is nothing wrong
with ownership
except
just a bit of
clear observation
shows that
it causes problems
such as fear
of losing that
which we own,
among other things

And if the problems
are an ok price
for us
that is fine

At some point however
the price of ownership
is too high
and that's when
it may be useful
to unpack ownership
from experiencing

We kind of assume
that we need to
own our experience
but is it true?

We associate
not owning
our experience
with denial
and running away
but is it true?

It would be
running away
to deny the experience,
whatever experience
arises

It is denial
to distract ourselves
from the experience
whatever experience
shows up

But it is
eminently possible
to fully experience
something
without owning it

This is not denial
or running away
This is facing up to
our reality
in the moment
exactly as it is

Herein lies
the exquisiteness
of all experience
When it is not owned
and yet gone through
when it is not claimed
and yet opened to
it is clean
leaving no residue
it is adventure
leaving no trace
it is fresh
leaving no identity
wrapped up
in the one
who owns it

What would it be like
to live life
going fully through
every single moment
of every single experience
without owning any of it?

Undeniable Willingness

Grace is apparent
in the choicelessness
of the spiritual quest

There comes a point
when we can see
that we are being led
and there is no turning back

Mind may continue
to look back
and lean back
and feel frustrated
because it is unable
to follow its backward leaning

And grace holds
the space for this

Mind may totter
and teeter
like a child unsure
of its hold
on the ground

And grace holds
the space for this

Sooner or later
we learn to stand
where we are
and look forward
instead of backwards

Then what we can see
of the road ahead
may look empty
very empty

What we may live
on the road ahead
may seem empty
very empty

And so we fall
into despair
or depression
ito boredom
or restlessness
secretly hoping
maybe openly praying
for something
to come rescue us
maybe the same choicelessness
that led us here

And grace holds
the space for this

But everything that arises
feels half-hearted
neither choiceless enough
nor a choice without doubt
We feel stuck
and the grace that led us
seems to be in hiding

What if the grace
is not in hiding
but only different
from when we met it first?
Quieter, softer
less insistent
more subtle
drawing us deeper in
dissolving
the last remnants
of the separate self?

What if the grace
is opening us
into deeper surrender?
What if it is pointing us
to the choice inside
- the choice to surrender?

It is a subtle thing
this choice to surrender
It does not hit us
on the backs of our head
but beckons us softly
and we can feel it
in the heart
and in the belly

This is what we dread
sometimes
to be given a choice
to have to make a choice
We would rather
be clubbed awake
and have a great story to tell

But there is a time for that
and a time for this
There is choicelessness
and there is choice
If we cling to one
or the other
we feel half-hearted
dissatisfied
and we lose the big picture

Surrender is not
passive non-doing
waiting for grace
to hammer us awake
and hold us there;
waiting for teachers
and teachings
to crack us open
and keep us there;
that is laziness

Surrender is
active engagement
with one's very being
dynamic living
of what has been realized
staying awake
in the midst
of drowsiness
not from the force of will
but enabled by the grace
of our own
ultimately undeniable willingness

In the world and not of it

In the realm of thinking mind
our beliefs
shape our experience
and our experience
is our reality

With even one foot
firmly beyond thinking mind
something else starts
invisibly
to erode our beliefs
and change our experience

Then there is a point
when our reality
is independent
of our beliefs
and incredibly
independent of our experience!

And then so long as
we don't dissociate from life
but stay grounded
and allow our hearts
to be touched
by experience anyways

So long as we can laugh
and cry and express
our humanness freely,
we are the miracle
of the divine
living the human life
we live the miracle
of being in the world
but not of it

The Divine Mess of Life

We have
such a human addiction
to perfection!

We chase perfection
as our highest ideal
we hope that some day
we will get there
by one means
or another

Meanwhile
we screw up
again and again
and we notice
every imperfection
there is

We notice
when the world is imperfect
when life is imperfect
when everyone is imperfect
when we are imperfect

But just one
tiny glimpse
of what we truly are
shows us something
quite incredible

We come from perfection
we come from fullness
we come from wholeness
and yet here we are
in this limited package
called human form

This human form
is born
but alas it also dies
and before that
it falls sick
it suffers heartbreak
and much worse besides

This human form
is certainly not perfect

This human form
can see how much
of creation
is other than human form

This human form
is certainly not complete
This human form
is certainly not everything

Throughout its life
this human form
is searching, seeking
looking for something
it thinks it does not have,
constantly trying
to fill a lack

This human form
is certainly not whole

So this human form
imperfect, incomplete
and divided,
justifies its lust
for perfection

But something
is lopsided here
what comes from perfection
does not need to seek it
what comes from fullness
does not need to seek it
what comes from wholeness
does not need to seek it

There is no need
to chase perfection;
there is nothing
to be gained there
that isn't already here

There is no need
to chase perfection;
it is not meant
to be found
in this human form!

Now everything
can look different
This human existence
can be experienced
without trying
to make it perfect!

This human existence
can be enjoyed
without comparison
to a perfect ideal
It can be allowed
to unfold
simply as it does
without judgement
and resistance

We are not imperfection
come into human form
to seek perfection
in this human life

We are perfection
come into human form
to explore and love
imperfection
as our own self

What love this is!
Unconditional love!
Love that does not need
anything to be other
than what it is
Love that allows
everything to be
what it is

What love it is
to receive this love
What love it is
to give this love
What love it is
to be this love

Not needing anything
this love is dynamic
Not needing anything
this love spawns universes
Not needing anything
this love acts

And this human form
flawed and born from love
bows down low
in deep gratitude for
the divine mess of life

What dies?

We build and build
and build up
ourselves

We accomplish
and say
I did it
we achieve
and say
I did it
we acquire
and say
I did it

We diet
and say
I have control!
We exercise
and say
I have control
We deny ourselves
and say
I have control

We look good
and say
I am beautiful
We dress well
and say
I am beautiful

We are kind
and say
I am good
We help someone
and say
I am good
We are compassionate
and say
I am good

We remember God
and say
I am very good
We are pious
and say
I am very good
We pray and fast
and say
I am very very good
We engage spiritually
and say
I am the very best! :)

Ah but how much
of this I
this successful, very good, spiritual
self
can we take
to our death?

Isn't death
the end of that
built-up I?
Isnt death
the loss of
everything I?
Isn't that why
we fear death?

And isnt that why
we fear life?
Because we know
it is possible
to lose it all,
to lose the built-up I?

Perhaps
there comes a time
when we
might pause
in this building up
of I
and ask
What am I
if I don't
build myself up?
What am I
just as I am?
What am I
just as I was?
just as I have
always been?

What lives
and what dies?

Perhaps then
we can face death
in life itself
Perhaps then
as the Buddha said
we can die
before we die
and so finally
live once and for all

Don't seek to know

Don't seek
to know
what you are
You could seek
forever
and still not know
the unknowable

Seek instead
to untie
the knot
that has you believe
you cannot be
what you are

Don't seek simply
to know
the truth
and stop there
for what we can know
is always partial
and cannot satisfy
our thirst for fullness

Seek instead
to untie
the knot
that has you believe
that you cannot live
what you are

And when
the knots untie
themselves
seek nothing
only be what you are
live what you are
and so know
yourself

There is room

What distresses you
my friend?

Isn't it mostly
what your mind says
should not be?

The mind says
it should not be
and yet it is

There is room
you know
there is room
in the heart
for what the mind
won't allow

There is room
in the heart
for what the mind
can't understand

There is room
in the heart
for every
contradiction
and conflict
for every pair
of opposites
to co-exist

No no
shouts mind again
it is wrong
and I won't allow it

There is room
in the heart
for all of
shouting mind

There is room
in the heart
for reality
as it is

Recognize
your open heart
my friend
and receive life here
Receive life
in this home of love
and know your heart
as the birthplace
of everything

Just as you are

We worry
about being better
and kinder
or perfect

We worry
about being more active
more devoted
or working harder

We worry
about being more spiritual
enlightened
more embodied!

Can we hear
the little voice
in the midst
of all the worrying?

The voice that
only whispers
yet is so sure
and presents itself
without fanfare

The voice that says
It's not all about you
sweetheart
Enjoy the air
and the sky
and the birds
and the trees
and the ground
under your feet
always the ground
under your feet
You are bigger
than you know
by far
and loved
oh so loved
just as you are