A couple of posts back, I painted a scenario where you have an opportunity to tell God what you really want from your seeking. The only condition for fulfilment is that you be very clear about what you want. Time is no bar. God is very patient. :-)
I got a few different replies, some of which were posted on this blog and others to my direct email. Thanks for your participation.
In my experience, (shared by some of you) this question itself is very clarifying. Asking yourself :What do I really want?, can cut away so much of the meandering on the seeker's journey and can really bring you into the essence of what the seeking is about. It allows what is truly important to shine amidst the rubbish pile that pretends to be equally important. Have you seen that for yourself, clearly?
Looking back, perhaps we can each remember many different desires that sprung up in the mind - I really want to have a great job, I really want to have lots of money, I really want to be appreciated and loved, and so on. Perhaps some of those desires were fulfilled, and then what happened? If I really wanted a great job and I got it, then that should have been the end of it for me, is it not? But that's not what happened. After I got the great job, I wanted to get promoted, then I wanted to run the place and so on. After I made a lot of money, I wanted still more. When I had the appreciation of one set of people, I wanted it from another set of people. This is familiar ground, is it not?
And what this shows us is that the mind is quite capable of producing wants endlessly. Within every fresh want, is the implicit promise that this will be it; this one will make us feel fulfilled. But it has not happened yet.
For some of us, this is ok. It's ok to play this game yet again. Others have reached the end of their tether. So when answers start to arise to the question of What do I really want?, bring to bear the full weight of your experience with wants, as you see those answers. Don't rush to believe the answers. Subject them to some scrutiny.
The process of questioning is far more valuable than any answers the mind may produce. This does not mean that answers that come up are irrelevant. I would suggest that some of these answers are simply part of the questioning process. They put us in touch with some of our beliefs and in that sense they are useful. I am suggesting that we don't let those answers stop the questioning process, as if it was completed by getting those answers
Let me go out on a limb here.
You will know when an answer is authentic for you, for it will bubble up from the depth of your being. And it will have an insistent quality to it. You may find that it will connect the dots between all your wants. And (and this is where it can get really icky), it may not announce itself with great fanfare! The answer to this question may simply seep into your consciousness very quietly. You may even find yourself in the odd position of holding the question in the mind, long after the answer is already known and being acted upon. Then somehow the question - which is now only a shell - will just dry up and disappear on its own. I share this only because sometimes we may miss the answer because we are expecting it to look a particular way! And it may look that way or it may not.
Yes this is the last thing that the mind wants to hear! :-) All that effort in the inquiry and no clear-cut answer to point to and grab a hold of ! What a waste of time! - says the mind. And I would only say: don't believe the mind and don't reject it. :-)
Please feel free to write in again.
I will continue with this topic in a future post.