All is one

The unborn wishes to be born
Don't stop the birthing

The completion wishes to give
Don't stop the receiving

The stillness wants to soar
But we fear the falling

The eternal wants to live
But we fear the dying

Let the perfection express itself
As imperfection
Let stillness speak
Let greatness become small

When freedom itself soars
Soaring is same as falling

When freedom itself lives
Dying is same as living

Undivided undivided
All is one

Emptiness fills itself

This one falls and falls
And falls all away

And empties and empties
And empties right through

And everything disappears
Yet nothing is denied!

This emptiness lives
And this emptiness dies

This emptiness sings
and this emptiness cries

And filling to the brim with sourceless love
It remains empty, empty, empty, ever-empty

Suffering in the world

Seeing suffering in the world
I suffer

Tears for the victim
Anger and fear towards the aggressor

I close my eyes
In pain

When they open again
Something shifts

A question arises
Is the victim just a victim?

I look again
And the answer is no

The victim is much more
I touch her vastness

I feel her presence
I inhale her freedom

I had frozen her victimness
In my mind

Oh God!
I am the aggressor

In panic, I turn
Towards the aggressor

But he is gone too
With the victim

Into the vastness
The vastness of us all

All freedom

Knowing what I am
I choose to be another
Freedom

Knowing what I am
I choose to not know what I am
Freedom of delusion

Not knowing what I am
I believe myself to be another
Delusion of freedom

Not knowing what I am
What knows me frees itself of me
Grace

All is knowing what I am
All is freedom

The Point of It

What is the point of this?
Bird singing

What is the point of this?
Bud blooming

What is the point of this?
Sun shining

Stars twinkling
Moon glowing
Girl laughing
Ball bouncing

Boundless miracles
Only gratitude, gratitude, gratitude

Beyond intellectual understanding

Sometimes on the spiritual search we come to a point, where our experience is that we have understood what is being pointed to, at an intellectual level, but it has not sunk deeper than that. The mind is still busy and we can still get easily lost in trance. This can be puzzling and frustrating.

At the same time, we also experience a deep knowing that what is being pointed to is true. Is it not? Indeed this knowing is what keeps us on the path even when we are frustrated and don't seem to 'get' it.

So first let's take this moment to acknowledge that which keeps bringing us back to our desire for truth. The mind may spin in all directions, and then something calls us back to the awareness of the spinning mind. At the moment that we are aware, the spinning mind has ceased, and is now a memory. Let's take this moment to celebrate this grace that reminds us again and again of the awareness that we are. In this acknowledgement we open to the grace more and more.

Now when the thought arises that I have not yet got enlightenment, we can see that thought itself. See how it spawns a whole belief system about yourself. It may even masquerade as an honest thought - I haven't got it can seem like the honest truth. And it is real for you, until it isn't.

So stay with the thought with the attitude of a curious scientist. In other words, see if you can observe your whole experience with this thought, simply with a desire to know what is really going on. Notice if other thoughts arise; perhaps fear, perhaps boredom? Discover for yourself.

When something inside us resonates with truth very strongly, the mind must work smarter to cover it up, not because mind is evil, but because that is mind's job. So we can simply notice the hard-working mind, and its efforts. This seeing of our entire experience around a thought is at once the seeing through it.

Often the mind deploys boredom and fear very effectively. Our great fear is that without thoughts to engage us, life would be very boring and completely empty. Again this seems like an honest and innocent thought, and yet, if this is believed then it can give rise to a plethora of other thoughts to keep us enmeshed in the trance. So watch if this thought arises and see if you are believing it. If so, ask yourself - Is it true that there is boring emptiness without thoughts to engage me? Is it really true?

Even just asking this question means that we have opened up to a different possibility.

When we believe our thoughts strongly, we become those beliefs and we look at life from those beliefs. Then it becomes difficult to separate out those beliefs from us, and we assume that the beliefs are true. So questioning our beliefs is very powerful. The answers don't matter. The questions do all the work!

By its very nature a belief militates against the truth. When we believe something, the mind must work to keep it 'true' in time. This is contrary to the freedom of truth which is totally free to be something new every moment. As soon as I have a belief, I have invested in a future in which this belief will be 'true' for me. This is exactly how the mind veers away from ever-changing reality - by insisting on 'permanence' over time, by investing in a future.

So beliefs are like the wall that the mind uses to bounce thoughts off, like balls. So long as the wall exists, we are captivated by the surface reality of bouncing balls. When the wall collapses, the thoughts surrender to gravity and stop their furious and quite pointless activity. What happens then? This fear of what happens when the bouncing stops, is the wall of last resort that restores the trance.

Recognize the fear for what it is and discover what lies inderneath.

Back from India

I am just back from India. What a wonderful time!

Order among chaos. Small joys within ordinary existence. Contentment amidst great difficulty.

Driving down a chaotic high-traffic road is a reminder of what holds us up. For it surely is not the the efficient roadway or the great traffic control system at work. The mind, used to American infrastructure, can panic and freeze, - aghast at the myriad possible ways in which accidents could occur! Miraculously the moment passes safely for the entire street of cars and people and life, as far as the eye can see. And another safe moment and another and another.....Miracles abound!

A dirty urchin, not more than 10 years old, polishes shoes for a living. Speaking in good English, learned in a few years at school, he boasts about the daily earnings that keep his siblings fed, after the death of their father. His refusal to take money without delivering its worth in services shatters automatic conclusions about the relationship of poverty to a lack of dignity. His mother will beat him for begging, he tells me with a grin on his face.

Not that any of these aspects of India are new to me - I grew up in India. But going back provides a new perspective each time.

And no perspective by itself is the truth. The same one is looking from all the perspectives. The same one is different in different situations. The same one is experiencing life in so many amazing ways. The same one is beyond everything and in it at the same time.

Changing your experience

Do you want to change your experience?

The chances are that if this moment is unpleasant or stressful in any way, then you probably do want to change your experience. Is it not so? It is important to notice if this is so.

There is a whole world of ways out there that you can choose from to change your experience. And in life, we try many of them. By the time we come to the spiritual search, we have realized that many, and even most of them, do not ultimtately work.

On the spiritual journey, we may have lost our belief in many solutions out there, but we may retain one key belief - suffering is not ok and it must go. When I say suffering, I mean the entire range of feelings from mild discontent to acute stress.

Suffering is not ok, goes the belief, so we accumulate more and more subtle and sophisticated techniques to change our experience - to not suffer.

We have the idea that if we keep successfully changing our experience enough times using this or that technique, then somehow there will come a time when that change will stick and become a permanent state of unmitigated bliss.

There is nothing wrong with this, of course.

I mention all this because perhaps there comes a time when we may fall through to a place where nothing works. There is nowhere to turn to and nothing to depend on. And this is experienced as helplessness or depair or misery or anger or whatever else. And we feel completely overwhelmed.

With no effective technique and no defense against this onslaught, we are simply swallowed by it. And it feels like the end of everything. Which perhaps it is. It takes everything away.

There is good news here - for what it can take away completely is also the belief that suffering is not ok and needs to be changed. This is actually quite a relief, but not because relief was sought.

Sometimes all these words seem very paradoxical. What is being suggested is this:

When suffering arises, and there is no belief that it needs to be changed, then we respond to suffering from freedom. We may then happen to act in such a way that suffering stops, or we may not. Either way the action does not arise from a fear of the suffering. It arises from the freedom of experience.

This is the difference.

We no longer need to change our experience and our experience is free to change.

Unconditional love

Like a wave that appears
In the ocean
I appear
Separate in form
Apparently

Then when it has had enough
Of separation
The wave dips back
Into the everpresent ocean
As I do

The ocean that embraces me
Is unconditional love
Eternal, independent,
Forever ready
To take me back

And when I rise again
I am the ocean
Rising as a wave
Never in doubt
Of what it really is

Awareness acting

Who has made the choice to have this life experience?

Who made the choice to inhabit this particular perspective that views the world in this particular way? Apparently formed in this body-mind, from genes and conditioning?

This question arises when we see that there is something here that can observe the body-mind. This question arises when we see that someting here is aware of this perspective. What is the something? It is I. I am this that is aware of the body-mind and I am this that is aware of this perspective.

In the awareness of one body-mind is the awareness of all body-minds. In the awareness of one perspective is the awareness of all perspectives. The bodies and minds and perspectives differ. The awareness is the same and I am that awareness. This awareness that I am, was here before my body-mind was here. And it will be here when my body-mind is gone.

Where is this awareness when I am not aware of being it? Where is this awareness when I am lost to the body-mind and its perspective? It is still here - this awareness. Where can it go? It is true that sometimes I am not aware of being the awareness. So sometimes I believe I am the body-mind and its perspective. And sometimes I see the body-mind and its perspective from what seems like somewhere outside of the body-mind and its perspective. So sometimes I am the awareness and sometimes I am the body-mind. Which is real?

When an actor plays a part in a play, he finds himself inhabiting the role fully. He is completely immersed in the character he plays. He forgets who he is in real life. He laughs as the character and he cries as the character. He feels the pain of the character's sorrow and rejoices in the character's joy. It is real while it lasts. But it does not last. The play does not last. And when the play is done, the character dissolves. And when the character dissolves, the reality behind the character emerges again. The actor finds himself back in his own reality. So where was the reality when the actor was immersed in the character? Was it lost? Even when the actor forgot his own reality and was totally lost in the play, did it change the reality of who he was? No. All that happened was that the actor forgot his reality and assumed another identity - temporarily.

And whose choice is it to assume another identity? Who decides to play the part of this character for a while? The choice is made by the actor in reality. Not by the character in the play. While the actor plays his role, he is both the actor and the character. He is the actor as the character. He is the actor wearing a mask. And all the characters in the play treat each other as though they are real. But they are not. If you didn't know this, you would argue this reality. Your mind would provide all the evidence to prove that the characters are real. But that would not make them real. They would remain characters in a play. Only you would be fooled, forgetting your own reality, and the reality of us all in the play.

Now imagine a play in which an actor drops his act! What would such a play look like? The actor can't take his role seriously. He can't take any of the characters seriously. He cannot obscure his reality. And when he drops his act, the other characters don't know how to react to him. They try to carry on their act, but whenever they interact with this actor, their act crumbles. The script is not panning out. Something shifts. The play is altered.

And all this shifting and alteration is in the play. The reality of all the actors is still unchanged by what happens in the play.

So back to where we started - who made the choice for this body-mind to be born? Who will make the choice for it to die?

Who is asking this question? Is it the mind or the awareness of it? What is aware of the question being asked?

You see, awareness has no questions, and it is aware of all questions. And I am this awareness. And you are this awareness.

The rest is a play.

What is real?

Disagreeable things arise.

Mind's natural response is to judge them - bad, unpleasant, evil, unhappy, wrong, violent, and on and on.

It would be nice if mind didn't judge them. And sometimes it does not. And that's nice. And at other times, it does judge them. And that's not so nice! Do you see the judgement right here? :-)

Mind judges. That's what it does for a living!

We enter mind and we enter duality. And judgements are the poles of this duality. Good and bad, right and wrong and so on.

The next time mind rushes to judgement, notice what happens along with judgement.

When we judge something as good, the natural inclination is to stay in the goodness - to keep it. And when we judge something as bad, the natural urge is to fix it, to do something about it! Is it not? Discover if this is true for you.

So the urge arises to fix what is wrong or bad. And we follow the urge and the mind gets busy fixing and problem-solving.

The mind moves from judgement to more mind activity - review and analysis of the problem and an evaluation and implementation of the solution!

And throughout this process, awareness simply watches. It lets all the mind's moves arise within it, without judgement.

Awareness sees the judgement arise. Awareness sees the urge to fix arise. Awareness watches what the mind does with the urge.

When we are the awareness watching the mind, is there is a need to fix anything?

We are like the ocean holding a rising wave - no attempt to flatten it out.

Awareness is the acceptance of everything that arises, without a need to change anything.

If change arises, it too arises within this awareness, as awareness. What arises, comes from beyond the mind. The mind interpretes it, like a screen that catches the light and makes a whole world of fantasy from that source. The mind is the movie maker, - the virtual reality machine.

Judgements are part of the movie, problems are part of the movie and fixing problems is part of the movie too.

And movies are not real.

So we discover what is real. Each for oneself.

Freedom

Are there 2 sides to freedom?

We tend to associate freedom with the freedom from suffering. We want to be free of everything that limits us and constrains us and holds us back. Is it not?

And then we start to notice that this freedom does indeed exist. We can be free of suffering. We are free of suffering. We are free from mind's prattle. We are free of being hurt and feeling rejected. For we are not defined by any of those things.

And then we settle into this freedom with great delight. We feel expanded and happy.

And then reality strikes and we notice that all is not perfect. There are still 'bad' moments. - Moments when we don't feel quite so free.

So we remember the wise teaching. The one that says we are not what happens, but rather the awareness of what happens. And thank God - what a relief - the teaching works! And we go back to feeling free of the suffering yet again.

For now.

Then reality strikes again. And again and again.

There comes a time perhaps when the teaching 'stops' working! And no matter what wisdom we drag up from the depth of our being, we don't quite feel free. Even if we kid ourselves, there is something inside us that knows the truth. We simply don't feel quite free in this moment.

So what is happening?

Perhaps this is where the other side of freedom presents itself.

We can notice that freedom is also the freedom to feel 'not free'. Of course this is paradoxical. But we can let our experience teach us beyond the paradox.

The eagle that soars must also swoop down. For it depends on that which is earth-bound to feed it.

In other words, let not the taste of expansion become such an addiction that we are in bondage to it. Let it not be so grasped that we are not free to be small when we are small.

Be free from and of limitation and be free to be limited. And let reality show us how freedom dances between the two!

Eternal intersection

Everything begins here.

And why not? If everything can be said to have a beginning, then it can equally be here as anywhere else! Where does a sphere start? Where does it end? How about here?

So that's the other side of no beginning-no end. Yes there is no beginning to our reality and no end. So then, anything and everything can be a beginning (and an end)! How about here?

So we come to this magical point of our direct reality - right here, right now! This is where everything intersects. With nothing. With itself. Eternal intersection.

And what's happening right here right now?

What allows it to happen?

See that love. Discover that as you.

Witness the birth of I

Notice the movement of air around you right now.

Is it a gust of wind strongly felt?

Is it a gentle breeze quite pleasant?

Is it simply still?

Whatever it is, can you say about it - This is my gust of wind, or This is my gentle breeze, or This is my stillness?

This simply is, as it is. And we notice it. Is it not?

Thoughts are like the movement of air too.

Whether they are big and gusty, or peaceful, or still, they simply are.

Who makes them mine? - My thoughts?

What arises to claim ownership?

See that one who is born with thoughts, born only to own them.

Be the one who witnesses this birth.

In the flow

I - this body-mind
With thoughts. feelings, actions
I am in the flow
The flow of life

What I do
Is life doing me
What I live
Is life living me

I am the teardrop
That rolls down the cheek
Moved by the heart
Not separate from it

I am that
By which
Life experiences itself
Such joy, such joy

To be this
Only this
All this

Embrace this moment...

We worry about what tomorrow will be, and the day after. We worry about whether or not we will become spiritually evolved enough. Or perhaps materially evolved enough. We worry about being enough.

What a burden we carry. And all the time that we spend worrying is about something that isn't even here yet. Tomorrow is not here yet. Now is what is here now. This is like throwing away the jewel in your hand right now, for the guarantee of a jewel in your hand tomorrow! Yet why would we value tomorrow what we cannot value this moment?

See through mind's madness.

If indeed there is something to do, it is simple. Embrace this moment. As it is.

And when the mind rebels against this statement, simply embrace that rebellion, for that is what this moment is presenting.

The mind's rebellion is not a force opposing the awareness. It cannot be. The mind's rebellion is an opposing force within the awareness.

What's the difference?

Imagine a tornado with all its fierce destructive energy that seems to flatten out everything in its wake. Wherever the tornado expands, space makes place for it to expand! Space simply holds this whirling swirling tornado without any judgement. Can the tornado said to be opposing this space? Or arising in it?

Awareness is like that. No matter what storm the mind kicks up, awarenes allows it to happen, and simply holds the mind without judgement.

Be that awareness which you are and embrace this moment.

This moment becomes the next and the next and now you are holding life.

Subject, object and dissociation

This is the realm that militates against the idea of even experience itself. It goes beyond experience as the I experiences it.

We are often told to simply watch everything arising. This is the witness consciousness that steps back and sees from a larger perspective - a perspective that is not identified with what it watches.

What is still present in this consciousness, is the duality of the watcher and the watched, or the seer and the seen. There is nothing wrong with this. But we may suddenly notice this duality.

One place where it can really show itself, and thus become the portal into non-dual consciousness, (forgive the use of this language, for it is what we have), is our relationship with others.

One can look at another person and can experience discomfort with some aspect of this other person. Let's say that this aspect of the other is totally alien to you. In other words, you are witnessing someting in this other, that you have never experienced about, or in, yourself. So this aspect feels alien or separate from you, because you have not directly experienced it.

When this aspect is looked upon from the place of 'this is not me', there can be dissociation. The witness consciousness can be hijacked by the me, and still simply watch this alien aspect in the other. But there is a subtle sense of 'I am watching this that is not me'. It is dissociating with tolerance! This is not unkind, or bad in any way. But the dissociation comes home to roost. Stated differently, we become aware of the dissociation, usually through a sense of something missing, or some kind of unease.

The love that is, shines a light by means of the unease, and helps us to go beyond it.

Personal experience too has its limits. And this is where we must let go of even our personal experience. Of course the curious thing is, that this is a letting go that returns us back to experience, only more expanded.

What is meant by all this?

The invitation in the experience of dissociative watching, is to transcend the separation between the experience of the watcher and that of the watched. To ask oneself - is it true that I am not this other person who is so clearly and evidently different from me? Is it true?

Staying in this question can open a realm of awareness which completely dissolves that separation. And it penetrates you that you are beyond your personal experience, and not separate from any experience - no matter who or what it manifests in - that other person, the door, the sky! I am that and that and that. I am all.

Now you look at everything, but there is literally no distance between the one looking, and the one being looked at, - no distance between the subject and the object. It is same. Witnessing without dissociation. Witnessing without object. I witness I.

I am the one - the witness, the witnessing and the witnessed.

Nothing is insignificant

Everything holds up everything else. When we see this, we realize that nothing is insignificant. And we fill up with love for everything there is. Even the parts we don't like.

A great place to start discovering this is within oneself.

Right now, notice if there is something that you disapprove of, or disagree with, or are unhappy about. It may be something overt and tangible that you can point to, or sometimes it can be covert and less tangible. If it is the latter, then simply notice the unease, even if it cannot be defined specifically.

Say to yourself - I see this unease (or whatever else that comes up).

Even as you say this, you may find several different thoughts/ feelings, and even fears come up.

Say to yourself - I see the fear. Or - I see many uneasy thoughts. Or - I see the uneasy feelings coming up.

In other words, you acknowledge whatever arises, with the words - I see ---.

Notice what happens.

Then say 'I see ---., to whatever is noticed also.

Sustain this for as long as you naturally can. Don't force anything.

Do this right now. And you may find that you will do this sometime again. And then again, and again. Not by forcing yourself. But just spontaneously.

There are many ways to describe what may happen. And each person discovers this for herself. One way that perhaps many of us can resonate with, is simply this: what is our experience when we are seen and acknowledged? Isn't that a simple, yet fundamental, human desire?

So we start to extend it to ourselves. Not abstractly - to some notion of who we are. But to something much simpler and more direct - our experience right now - our thoughts, feelings and whatever is arising right now.

You may find the act of seeing, just by itself, is so precious and dear.

And realize this - the disturbance created by our unease opens up the vast space of seeing and acknowledging this that we are - now and now and right now!

Discover this simple love.

From me to me

If I am you
then you don't need to change

For who would you change to?
The you that is me!

If I am you
then I don't need to change

For what could I change to?
The you that is me!

And meanwhile we change
You and I
From me to me.

I am the ocean

I am the ocean
Calm and rough

Inside me lies a secret
That unfolds gently
Like wisdom when I seek it

I am the ocean
I swell in anger
And subside in awe

I rage humanly
And flow like god

I transform
And my balance
Is in all of me
As I am

I am the ocean
There is life above me
And life below
I am a mirror
For life to see life

Give me your ripple
So I may grow and grow you

Give me your ripple
So I may make our waves

Give me your ripple
So I may live and die

And when I storm
And when I sleep
Your ripple will lie in me deep