Sweet being

Beingness cleaves itself
over and over again
so it may be aware
of itself
see itself
hear itself
taste itself
experience itself

Beingness cleaves itself
into seer and seen
so they may connect
via seeing
into listener and sound
so they may touch
via listening

Beingness cleaves itself
into you and I
so we may love each other
so beingness may love itself

And sweetest of all
beingness cleaves itself
so we may know
ourselves as beingness
so beingness may know itself
as beingness!

What else is here?

There is a time
in life
for problems
to be solved

This is but mind
unraveling itself

Then there is a time
in life
for a shift of attention
and for the question
to arise
What else is here?

What else is here?
besides the problem
besides the desire to solve
and besides the solution
if there is one

This is awareness
seeing itself
as mind and beyond mind

This is awareness
seeing itself as that
which holds mind

No need to be rid
of problems
No need for resolutions
They can be around or not

Something is more interested
in what else is here
beside the problem
and the solution

The time for solving
and the time for a shift
can be in any order
or even alternate for a while

Life lets us know
when it is time for what.

Flow

In the paradox
that is life
there is a tendency
to stagnate
again and again,

a tendency
for the water of being
to become little
cesspools -
stale and repetitive

And simultaneously
life in every moment
flows like a river
clearing out all stagnation

not as a static idea
but as a continual
dynamic flow
that is NOW

When the mind opens
to this dynamic now
gratitude arises
for stagnation and flow

Beyond imagination

In order for the new
to be born
the old must be let go of
completely

While the old is held on to
the only new that can appear
is a reconfiguration
of what has been

The ten thousand things
can be endlessly recombined
into what the mind
marvels at as new

The ten thousand and first
comes from the willingness
to leave the land
of the ten thousand

Beyond imagination
beyond imagination

Temple of Isness

We wander all over
with the mind
in the mind

We come home
to this body
in this body

This body is
reality in form
Temple of isness

This moment is God

Life presents this moment
and in the mind
we say it is this way:
good, bad and
a whole host of other labels

And mind says
this is not how it should be;
this moment -
it should be better
and different

And so we have this moment
but we don't taste it
pulled away from it
by mind's ideas
of how it should be instead

Then perhaps we are drawn
to something beyond mind's words
and we fall deeply in love
with this moment
just as it is

Oh the profound joy of it
The unbreakability of it
The wholeheartedness of it
The fulfillment of it
This moment is God!
God is but this moment!

When Sorrow visits

Have you had someone visit
from the Sorrow family?
Did you allow him in at all?
Perhaps you did, but reluctantly?

The Sorrow family has a bad name
Perhaps you have experienced
this sometime in an earlier visit?

So when he smiled, you didn't
And when he offered a hand
you didn't take it
And when he gave a hug you held back?

Perhaps you tried to figure out
how this recent visit
was related to others in your past?

Perhaps you started remembering
how others in your family
were hurt by some
among the Sorrows?

Perhaps you tried to analyze
if somehow you had invited
quite inadvertently,
this unwanted guest into your home?

And in all this flurry of thought
lost in your own world
you didn't even sit this Sorrow down
nor offer him some tea
or learn anything about him alas

Perhaps this one was nothing
like his family at all
Perhaps he had no bad intentions
but simply stopped by, passing through
seeking only to embrace you
for a moment?

Perhaps you might
have enjoyed his visit
and made a friend,
never needing to fear
another Sorrow again

Already this

There is no moment
when this is not

There is no place
where this is not

There is nobody
Who this is not

This cannot be given us
Nor taken from us

So what comes between
You and this?
What insists
I am not this

Only a voice
in the head
That is already this
through and through

Coming from wholeness

We are wholeness
exploring separation
through mind

and not separation
seeking wholeness
in mind

Unearned love

Something is afraid to fall
into this love
that is so steady
and so unearned

Something can't accept
this okness
that is so everpresent
and so unconditional

Something says
I'd be a fool
to let down my guard
so completely

Something says nothing
could be that constant
and be relied on
so absolutely

Afraid of being hurt
by its own innocence
something wears a mask
of continual mistrust
viewing everything
through narrow slits
fashioned by fear

What will it take
to let oneself slip
into the ocean of love
that is oneself?

Uncondtional love

We look for
unconditional love
in being loved

But unconditional love
is in the loving
of everything

The undivided attention
to what is
right now

The elephant in the room

There's an elephant in the room
We know there is

Too solid to miss
Yet missed anyways

This one doesn't trumpet
Does not need to make noise

It doesn't even move
It is very still

It isn't grey or brown
It has no color

We try to feel its shape
but it has no boundary

We walk about the room
holding our hands out

It is everywhere we touch,
this strange elephant

So we get a clever idea
We try to push it away

We push and we push
Then a curious thing happens

The elephant allows the pushing
It offers no fight!

So we feel kind of silly
But it doesn't stop there

The elephant surrounds
every hand that is pushing

Wait - the elephant is
every hand that is pushing

It is every hand
that's pushing itself away!

It is so so vast
It is the room itself

No - the building, the road
the earth, the sky
the universe, outer space ...
everything everywhere....

This elephant is not vast
It is vastness itself

Boy we are sure
this is no ordinary elephant

Heck we can see
this is no elephant at all!

What is it, what is it
we frantically ask

This 'thing' that is here
but cannot be named

This thing that is solid
but cannot be touched?

And then the final touch
The absolute masterstroke

This' thing' is not separate
from the me who is asking

This 'thing' is myself
asking itself what I am!!

This 'thing' is I
I am this 'thing'! :)

The vastness can come
in limited form too

The elephant in the room
that non-elephant 'thing'
is an elephant too
after all!

Truth, you know,
is stranger than fiction :)

What is real

What is real
needs no dressing up

What is not real
needs to be shrouded
in complexity
and in sophistication
in cleverness
and in brilliance

When the void
that nobody can escape
is frightened of
itself as the emptiness
it continually seeks
to fill itself up
with this and that

When the void
that nobody can miss
recognizes itself
as all there is
it is the fullness
bursting out
in all directions

Willingness - 2

If there is unwillingness
don't take it
as the absence
of willingness

Willingness is here
alongside
unwillingness

Simply notice it
and it reveals itself
ever more clearly

This is not grace
that hides sometimes
or presents itself selectively

This is grace
everpresent
Only mind does the hiding
from grace

Grace is here right now
offering this possibility
to simply notice
the willingness that always is

Such love!

Willingness - 1

When the willingness to meet this moment
meets this moment
it opens its arms
and says Come to me

When the willingness to suffer
meets suffering
it opens its arms
and says I am here for you

When the willingness to fear
meets fear
it opens its arms
and says I hold you

Willingness does
what will cannot
Willingness does not arise
from will
but grace

Subtle holding

Sometimes we identify with a particular belief very strongly. So strongly that the belief is living us. Do you know what I am talking about?

My teacher Adya, calls it a core belief.

Our very life is unfolding from that belief so that everything we do, including what we do on the spiritual journey, is in accordance with this belief.

Then we are the living embodiment of that belief pattern.

When we are living the belief in this way we cannot see the belief in operation, because there is no objectivity around it - we are too identified with it. To see it requires a distance from it which we do not have because we are it and we are only it.

Then at some point grace intervenes and we can see the belief. We have gained some distance from it and we can see how our life is being run by it.

However even if we see it quite clearly, the belief still seems to be playing out in our lives. And this can be confusing and frustrating.

If you find yourself in this situation, then perhaps what follows may be useful for you.

Let's take a concrete example.

Let's say that the belief is a need for appreciation. So there is a strong desire for appreciation that is playing itself out in your life.

Now everything that is born has a certain stickiness to it. The degree of stickiness can vary enormously, but once something is born there is a finite period of time for which it is sustained. And then it dies.

Some things that are born have a great stickiness and they are greatly self-sustaining. The kind of belief that we have been discussing is an example of this. It is by nature very sticky and wants to live.

So the strong desire for appreciation is very sticky. It uses every trick in the book to stay alive.

Let's say that this desire for appreciation were fulfilled and you experienced great appreciation. What would this mean for the desire for appreciation? What is a fulfilled desire? Is it a desire anymore? No - A fulfilled desire is a dead desire. Right?

The strong desire for appreciation which is very sticky does not want to die and so it does not want to be fulfilled. Of course this sounds completely counter-intuitive and contradictory. But don't go by the analysis of this, go by your experience of how the belief plays out for you.

So the strong desire for appreciation, in order to stay alive, avoids total fulfillment. However it is very skillful and it will accept partial fulfillment. So you will surely feel appreciated sometimes. But then that goes away and the old hunger arises again and is even stronger! Right?

Sometimes this strong desire for appreciation may even use a subtle and totally contradictory pattern to sustain itself. It may actually and very subtly seek rejection. Perhaps this is the point where you may completely dismiss what I am saying here as rubbish and so be it. :)

What happens to you when you have a strong desire for appreciation, and then you feel rejected? You immediately want appreciation oh so much more, right?

Everytime there is an experience of rejection, the desire for appreciation gains a new lease of life as it kicks back in with greater force. The desire for appreciation is so sticky that it can even use a totally opposite thing like rejection to further its goal of survival.

If you know what I am talking about then you know how this feels - like being pulled in opposite directions, so that the end result is one of stagnation.

This contradictory push and pull is what makes it so confusing. You may be aware of your need for appreciation and then you become aware of your being drawn to rejection in your life experience. And you wonder what is really going on! Right?

So you can check in your experience if the rejection bit is simply a mechanism of survival for your strong need for appreciation. And then if it is the case and you can see it for what it is, you may experience a clearing of the confusion.

What is true for a desire for appreciation can also be true for other strong patterns.

I have witnessed a case of great aversion to life. The experience of it for the most part was an apathy towards life in general and even a casual nonchalance towards death. But then a grave illness came about, and gave rise to a terror of dying. And now life became about illness and fear and so the aversion to such a life became even stronger.

At the same time confusion was being experienced in this push-pull of I don't want to live but I don't want to die!

Until it was seen in perspective.

When we see our core belief patterns in perspective, it is not that they immediately dissolve but they get conscious space around them. And instead of being lived out unconsciously they play out their momentum in the light of consciousness. And we are not yanked around by them so much anymore.

This releases blocked energy within us and something new and more free has space to be born.

Not one

In an absolute paradox (pardon the pun :-)), oneness lives in the way of not one.

As soon as the ego tries to define us as someone, something much bigger than ego knows that it is not that one. It is not any one - not this one and not that one - not any particular one.

To read about this without having experienced it can be confusing. And experiencing it can be disorienting to the mind. The mind seeks certainty and likes to be someone - someone particular - someone predictable who can be described and defined in a specific way. Until it doesn't.

And then there is that inbetween place, when something here can no longer really believe in the story of being someone particular. Still there can be a sort of half-hearted believing for a while. But rest assured this belief is very surely on its way out. And sooner rather than later that belief evaporates.

However, during this experience it seems like life around us continues on pretty much as before, and we still find ourselves amidst the same or similar situations as before. But now there is no particular someone dealing with those situations. Instead there is an openness that can still hear and see what is going on.

This is what is disorienting to mind. It doesn't know how to deal with life without being someone. So it may keep attempting to settle into being someone and reacting to what is happening as that someone. But it cannot really sustain that act for very long. So right in the middle of being someone, the belief in someone may just vanish and the openness may be revealed again.

This can be quite funny. We may find ourselves arguing a point (as someone) and then suddenly all interest in our own argument disappears and we are left holding nothing and feeling a little silly, and no doubt looking a lot sillier! :-)

That this could happen sometimes - that mind could try to be someone - that isn't a problem. It pretends for a while and then it can't anymore. Without any interference from us, the drama simply passes.

However we may be tempted to interfere. All our interference is from the mind, and it can take the form of thoughts believed - thoughts like:

I shouldn't be shaken from the openness
I am still not really enlightened enough
I should not look silly
etc.

None of these are true. But if believed in, they simply contract us again. So instead we can simply relax into what is happening, even if we are being someone again, or being silly or 'unspiritual'.

In this openness there is no attachment to being any one way, no attachment to appearing any one way. There is simply the freedom to be and the freedom to appear as any one. We are life responding to life and we are flexible.

This last statement seems contradictory? It is certainly paradoxical. For somehow, in a mysterious way, this openness that we are is no-one specific and yet can appear as specific things, without being confined to any one of them, without being defined as any one of them.

And we find out the truth of how this works right where we are, as life unfolds.

This body doesn't suddenly evaporate. This life experience isn't suddenly blanked out. The facts of our life don't change. We continue to look the same and sound the same and appear the same (atleast on the outside). But there is no one left here who needs to hang on to any one appearance.

So we are free - free to be what the moment demands of us - free to be the flow of life in this moment, as this moment.

We are free to be new and fresh. And there is no need to know in advance how to be.

By means unknown we are the unknown appearing as the known. What could be more amazing!

This moment speaks

This moment speaks to me
In a voice and way
It has rarely used

Displaying its rich beauty
Its sonorous silence
Its bursting fullness
in my being

Look, it says, at what I am
Not what you thought
My dear

Not just time
Marker for some event in your life
Not the start of something
Nor the end of something
Not even the inbetween

Though truth be told
Inbetween
comes closest to what I am

But you cast aside that
You cast aside the inbetween
In your hurry to get somewhere
And so you lose me
and lose me again

But I didn't lose you
How could I?
You come from my womb
you are my own child

You wander all over freely
away from me
and yet never outside
for I am all there is

Then someday I call out to you
And this time you say yes!
And we come back home
together

And that is what I am
I am you
at home

Turning spontaneously

The mind presents us with all kinds of experience. And further, the mind articulates that experience in many different ways (depending on the experience), such as:

I am working or

I am sad or

I am having a good time or

I am watching a movie etc

All of mind's interest and attention is in the sensory experience of being happy or sad or engrossed in the movie or whatever else. But if we really look at experience (any experience), there are always 2 components to any experience: - one is the sensory part of the experience (as described above - happy, sad, etc)- two is the 'I am' part of the experience or the beingness implicit in any experience.

This component of 'I am' is the foundational experience without which the sensory experience cannot be had. In order for something to be experienced, there must be someone who experiences it. So we can say that "I am" is the primary experience and the sensory part is the secondary experience.

Then perhaps we can agree that we live most of our lives located in secondary experience alone. It can be said that the primary experience is mostly ignored or taken for granted.

Most spiritual paths invite us to turn to the primary experience. Many meditation techniques and spiritual practices are geared to anchor us in this I-amness or simply beingness. But when mind goes there it gets very bored. There is no excitement there. By contrast, it seems like the secondary experience is vast, varied and infinitely more interesting. So the mind turns right back there, and assures itself of, at the very least - an exciting time. :-)

And yet, at the same time, it may seem like there is a lingering, maybe small part of us that is getting a bit tired of the sensory stuff. Perhaps we find that we need ever new experiences to keep us interested, because what used to interest us simply lost its appeal. And although there is no dearth of new things, we may find that they have an old air about them.

So we find ourselves in somewhat of a quandary - wanting sensory experience and yet wanting more than just that. The next time this quandary is experienced (or anything else), and the mind says 'I am feeling confused', perhaps we can turn, ever so slightly, to the primary experience there, - I am - and give it a small bit of attention too. So that we find that our awareness holds both - the experience of confusion and the experience of being.

We don't need to hold our attention there, we can just turn there when it occurs to us to do so. What we may find is that something expands out, and instead of feeling boxed into a tiny part of our reality - which is the sensory experience - we feel a spaciousness around experience, that is very relaxing.

But it is not just relaxing, it is perspective-altering. Stepping into I-amness, even for a split second, is stepping into the larger reality. And from here everything is seen differently. This world of experience that we have given so much importance to, begins to be seen in a much bigger context, and all experience is held more lightly.

The split second of unforced turning to I-am ness is unimaginably powerful. In the mind it competes with a lifetime of other experiences, but in reality it works like seeds sprinkled in the ground - invisibly, silently and surely, yielding forests that change the landscape.

In this way, without force, we can start to reconnect with the primary experience of beingness and see where it takes us. There is no need to give up our attraction to secondary experience. We can simply turn to 'I am', when we remember and want to do so. We need not dedicate a pre-specified amount of time to this, nor assign a special place for this. It can happen anytime, anyplace - during work, during leisure, in the car or while walking...

The best time to turn to 'I am' is when it happens spontaneously.

What is Advaita - 1

The central teachings of Advaita, (and some other spiritual legacies), are few and stark.

• What we take ourselves to be - we are not.
• What we are is the unknown or God or the Oneness.

As human beings we take ourselves to be separate from other human beings, from the world and from God. This is our lived experience. Our lived experience is that of separation. So the teachings seem contrary to our lived experience, and therefore utopian and fantastic. And yet when the time comes, they draw us to their discovery like moths to a flame.

The teachings point to the truth of what we are. And when we desire to know what we are, we come to the teaching. There is no faking this desire.

If something within us spontaneously stays curious about this even amidst all the intelligent protests of mind; if we find ourselves encountering this teaching in our lives again and again somehow, and some small part of us feels compelled to go there, then the desire is there and will chart its own course.

So the teachings tell us that all separation is an illusion. But they don't discount our lived experience. Rather they help us to see that what we take ourselves to be has reality (as we already know), but it is the reality of a mirage.

It is very real when we are in it. But there is a larger reality within which the mirage itself occurs, and from which the mirage can be seen as a mirage. This larger reality which is simultaneously all-inclusive and yet totally empty is the oneness or non-duality that Advaita points to as our true nature.

What is said above may give the impression that the great teachings are putting us on a self-improvement program, with a step-by-step process to becoming self-realized or the highest and best thing to be. :-) This is not so. Certainly our desire to know what we truly are may put us on a spiritual journey, but we are not somehow becoming the Oneness or God through the course of this journey.

We are always and already the Oneness. There is no arriving someplace. Because every place is that. There is no becoming somebody. Because every body is that. There is no way to not be that which we truly are.

But the issue is that we don't see this or experience this clearly, and so we feel we are outside that somehow, separate from God, separate from all there is. All suffering derives from this sense of separation - the firm belief ensconced in mind and body that I am a separate being.

This has also been likened to dreaming. Within the dream everything seems real and we suffer and we rejoice. Yet the truth, as we see clearly, is that we wake up from the dream every morning and know it was just a dream. In other words it is the nature of the dream to be full of stories. Similarly it is the nature of human life to go through this experience of separation.

The mind races ahead with questions as to why this might be so and how this truth can be realized and so on.

Broadly speaking there are 2 aspects to this realization - one is the understanding of what is being pointed to and the other is the living of it. The authentic desire to know what we are is what orchestrates the spiritual journey for each one.

There is no telling what the journey may look like for anyone. For some (very rare few) there may be no experience of a journey at all. Understanding may dawn and it is lived in, as, of and through, that human form, right away. For most others (and certainly for me) the body-mind complex gradually transforms in the living of this realization.

And yet the great paradox which is recognized is that the one that transforms is the same oneness, before, during and after the transformation! :-)

We are always and already that. And the experience of separation occurs within that which we are. This oneness is not the opposite of many. The many arise within it, as expressions of it, confused or otherwise.